Life story

I am a Mom

When I was young I played with dolls, Barbies mainly, and treated them like my children. I’d dress them and change them (mainly their outfits, sometimes their hair styles). I couldn’t wait to be a mom in real life.

Then I got into high school and realized there were so many things I wanted to do with my life and I wasn’t sure being a mom would fit with those desires and dreams. Backpacking across Europe sounds lovely, but not with a baby or toddler in tow. I wanted to travel and see the world without being burdened with family responsibilities.

I now look back on the times when I’d spend hours at the neighbors house being a surrogate big sister to the younger kids and realized that I liked interacting with the kids. I still wasn’t sold on the idea of being a mom though…

When I headed off to college the thought of being a mother didn’t seem like a bad role to assume, once I was older. Then I got pregnant. I. Was. Terrified. Some of my close friends wanted me to share the news with my parents before I made any rash decisions (I didn’t) and see how they’d react to the news. (I felt they’d react badly about my being irresponsible.) So I did the cowardly thing and arranged to have a doctor take my growing child from be in an abortion clinic. I only shared the news with my parents months after I had aborted their grandchild.

It has taken me years to realize that had I carried that child to term there were so many unknowns about their health and development, that I could have become a mother to a child who had very low chances of survival. Being a diabetic and having no prenatal care could have caused severe mental and physical deformities of the child. I’m not trying to give excuses as to why I did what I did then, but I am able to look back on that period of my life and see that God can take something that’s so heartless and cruel and uses it for His glory.

Had I not done that horrible act so many years ago that October morning I don’t know when I would have been brought to my knees in awe of our amazing God and His willingness to forgive His wayward child. I don’t want to think about what could have brought me to my knees any faster than realizing I had been given a gift from God and callously gave it away like garbage.

Thankfully, God is an awesome God and I’ve been blessed above and beyond anything I could have hoped and prayed for since giving my life to Christ. I’ve been married to a wonderful Godly man for over five years now and we have a wonderful, healthy, happy and rapidly growing son to take care of and raise.

There are some days when I look at my son and realize how trusting in God gave me this new life as a wife and mother. I look forward to seeing each new development Jackson makes and how his personality is developing daily. I can’t imagine a day without my son to cuddle with, sing songs to and see him smile. I feel very blessed indeed to happily say “I am a Mom”. It’s the most important job I’ve taken on and one I’m not soon to leave.

Daughter of the Most High God. Well cared for and appreciated wife of an amazing man. Female, Christian, mother of an adorable & imaginative son, sweet & feisty daughter and a furry house pony, type 1 diabetic, slightly geeky, married to a most wonderful man who treats me like a queen, youngest of three, created in the 80's, lover of Christ; history and languages, animal lover, outspoken, caring and just down right cool. ;-)

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